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Men, Grief, And Solitude: A Different Perspective, by Daniel Duggan
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When men experience a loss, their first step may be to move inward into their solitude, where they can express themselves, confront what has happened, deal with feelings, and begin to sort out their next steps. Typically, this process helps them to eventually move beyond their solitude and into relationship again with the significant people in their lives.
This book explores why this process may be important for men, tells stories of men coping with loss, and looks at gender difference in grief and the various doors into the core of grief. In addition, it examines how to be helpful to men working through loss, as well as how men can affirm and understand a way of grieving and healing that fits them.
The first three chapters offer some background on the anatomy of grief; the anthropological imprint and grief; and socialization, rituals, and the importance of honoring male grief. Chapter 4 looks at gender difference and coping, and chapter 5 examines eight different doors into the grief process. Chapter 6 explores the role of solitude in grief. Chapter 7 focused on the role of the witness and introduces Stan, a World War II veteran, and his story. Chapter 8 sets out 11 ways to be helpful to men in grief. The final chapter directly address men in grief, outlining what you need to know when you are the man in grief.
- Sales Rank: #703303 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-01-27
- Released on: 2015-01-27
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
Dan Duggan has spent over 40 years working with men and grief in a number of capacities while serving congregations, hospitals (psychiatric and medical), hospices and a retirement community. Currently, he serves as the Director of Clinical Pastoral Education for Goodwin House as well as the Director of Chaplaincy at Goodwin House Bailey’s Crossroads. He is an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church, USA. He and his wife, Jan, live in Alexandria, Virginia. Their children and spouses are Josh (and Jaclyn), Whitney (and Sam), and Drew (and Kristin).
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Integrating Theory and Practice
By Bruce Calvin
Men, Grief and Solitude – A Different Perspective provides a fresh, new model that addresses the unique aspects of how men move through loss and grief. At the center is Dugan’s description of solitude, “the work of going into your interior, of relating to yourself, and finding both what and who are there.” This is not isolation or avoiding, but a time/way to process internally before reengaging with the external environment.
The strength of this book is the integration of theory and research with vignettes taken from Duggan’s many years of experience as a chaplain. Scattered throughout the book, the examples show how the concepts apply to ministry settings. Providing more than an intellectual understanding, the vignettes illustrate the emotional and spiritual aspects.
Chapters 1-4 provide an overview of grief theory and research, identifying the ways men and women move through their grief differently. Duggan is clear that while men and women tend to grieve in different ways, what he is describing is not describing all men or all women. He notes “it is gender-related, meaning that these characteristics tend to align with one gender or another.” Some men will grieve more like women and some women may grieve more like men, depending upon other factors in their personality, life and family upbringing.
Chapters 5-7 are the core of Duggan’s model for the ways men grieve focusing on the use of solitude. Chapter 8 is addressed to those who are in a position to help men in grief, and Chapter 9 speaks directly to men in the grieving process. However, the book is written in such a way that the reader could begin at any chapter, and understand what is being said. It doesn’t require reading from beginning to end.
Duggan presents an alternative way of understanding what men are experiencing that rings true to my experience.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Men and greiving a modern approach to men and sorrow.
By Stan Duggan
Men Grief And Solitude is a wonderfully well written book. Daniel in much of a scholastic fashion gives us the history of what has been taught in school an in religious settings for many years. Teaching that either supported the ancient expectation that men should be quiet, not cry and just silently get over their sorrow. Teaching that went deep into the misunderstanding that men just work that way. There was also the teaching that in handling grief men needed to draw on the feminine line of handling grief. All of which only tends to more frustration and longer sorrow. Dan using a lot of references shares his journey as a Chaplin and teacher. I appreciated that his style of writing was more conversational than scholastic. His style will certainly hold a non-academic's attention for the length of the book. After loss and even great loss I found Daniel's account of grief and my journey very similar. His book helped me to see that where I've been and how I've handled loss is not abnormal but quite reasonable and healthy. I highly recommend the book. I've already loaned my copy out and will purchase others to give away.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Remarkable Insight into How Men Grieve
By John Dinger
This small book delivers a big message. I wasn't sure what I was going to get out of Dan Duggan's exploration of how men grieve. It turns out I got a lot. Duggan insightfully validates what every man who has suffered a loss has experienced. He then provides tools that we can all use when we witness another grieve. Duggan perceptively prompts introspection, understanding, and emotional growth.
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